The black swirled in the half full glass: or maybe it was half empty I couldn't
really tell by the amount how much it still had in its soul. The point really
is that it was always the same, a full pint of Guinness. Crisp and steady, just
like her, immune to foolish change of teenage heart. The speech was paused and
stout, well thought and argued; she did not appreciate frail responses or even
the calamity of emotional remarks - that is what I find most intriguing and
exciting.
Then it came that grin of understanding - I had lived up to the task on hand. But I must be no fool, I thought, as the situation might change any minute. It was a completely balanced and two-sided conversation, and the fast pace made it interesting enough. The subject changed again, and it was my time to strike a fatal blow and disarm her of any viable comeback – ‘S., you cannot possibly be seriously saying that relationships are not emotional aspects of one’s life. Take reason out of the equation, for god’s sake, kill it for a moment! Let fire fill your heart with passion, let your soul sing with confidence and rhythm! Do not become trapped in the jail of reason and rationality on this, for you’ll lose so much! Do not let a hug kill you in its empire; or overpower your willingness to strive! Let it fly and let it burn, make it revolve around the world of feeling!’ I was standing, all poet in my state, arms risen to the task at hand.
Apologies, please proceed.
And I sat in my silence, embarrassed to the spine. Had it been too much? Will she ever forgive me for such intrusion? I thought of nothing to say but I wanted to explain that I understood, that is greatly appreciated and that she was right in everything else: when she said I had become somewhat too emotional, and should not be going back. When she fully and deeply analysed the situation and reached the viable and understandably short conclusion that I was in love with him. And I said that I knew, of course I knew but what should I do? How to go on knowing he won’t be there and how much of me will disappear with the fact? And she held my hand in an act of kindness and said it would be gone one day, and I had to be strong.
And it did. And today, my friend, I say right back at you.
Then it came that grin of understanding - I had lived up to the task on hand. But I must be no fool, I thought, as the situation might change any minute. It was a completely balanced and two-sided conversation, and the fast pace made it interesting enough. The subject changed again, and it was my time to strike a fatal blow and disarm her of any viable comeback – ‘S., you cannot possibly be seriously saying that relationships are not emotional aspects of one’s life. Take reason out of the equation, for god’s sake, kill it for a moment! Let fire fill your heart with passion, let your soul sing with confidence and rhythm! Do not become trapped in the jail of reason and rationality on this, for you’ll lose so much! Do not let a hug kill you in its empire; or overpower your willingness to strive! Let it fly and let it burn, make it revolve around the world of feeling!’ I was standing, all poet in my state, arms risen to the task at hand.
Apologies, please proceed.
And I sat in my silence, embarrassed to the spine. Had it been too much? Will she ever forgive me for such intrusion? I thought of nothing to say but I wanted to explain that I understood, that is greatly appreciated and that she was right in everything else: when she said I had become somewhat too emotional, and should not be going back. When she fully and deeply analysed the situation and reached the viable and understandably short conclusion that I was in love with him. And I said that I knew, of course I knew but what should I do? How to go on knowing he won’t be there and how much of me will disappear with the fact? And she held my hand in an act of kindness and said it would be gone one day, and I had to be strong.
And it did. And today, my friend, I say right back at you.
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